For the people,

\ who think that i’ve change. that i’m not the same person. and maybe i’m just not myself anymore. im guessing you miss the christine up there right? the one who rarely ever cussed, who said sweet things, and was super innocent. well for those of you who feel that way, i’m sorry. but this is who i am. every human being changes whether if its for better or for worse, people change. && only my true friends will accept me for who i am, they wont talk smack behind my back, and they’ll just help me fight through it. because you people, have never tooken into consideration, what i could be possibly going through, that is makign me change. it’s not like i’m not me anymore, im just not the old me. but hey, that part of me is still here. no need to judge me. && i know cliques are so bad, but i love kjbc through think & thin <3 im so thankful that i met you guys at a time like this. especially.

& i hate the fact that people judge me on my appearance. and yeah im super senstiive, trust. so when peopel say stuff liek that its just like, okay then just dont effing talk to me. stop tripping. ughh idkk . im so happy lately but little things just bring me downn. it hurts.

i wish

i could just say eeeeeeeeexactly how i feel but then id be back to my old self and i dont wanna. i needa change. i needa stop being such a psycho eccentric self centered bitch. i needa just chill. i needa ughh. idk. badd mooods & talking to bad people = baddd combo.

new.

http://twitter.com/withpck
http://www.formspring.me/upinyerrgrill
http://livinginpcksworld.tumblr.com/

there's more frequent updates on my tumblr, and i actually like it (;
my twitter is idk.
formspring me (= i like answering the questions.

ughh

this songg, reminds me of my friends, of you, of life. idk why, just that as i was with bre jasmine and kay today, i just really thought, as i was venting to them, wow, i really can trust these girls, they wont leave me , they wont turn their backs on me, and they never judge me. and i feel so much happier with them. idk its like i feel accepted for once in my life, i feel safe, and im scared cuhs whenever i become happy, it all turns bad, but for now, for this instance, i feel safe and i will be safe. i love you girls. KJBC :D love you girls.

mmm, and youu, you always know how to find a song for me to cheer me up (: and you always know how to get my mind off of shit, by making me mad (: even though im such a bitch sometimes, i really dontknow where id be in this world w.o you.

i miss you, and at the same time, i dont wanna even talk to you. how you treat me like this , i feel like im a piece of gum in that 12 pack, and when yo uonly have one left, you re-chew me , until i just don have anything left in me. idk if that makes sense, but idk. you saved me when i was falling and im so thankful, but at the same time its like, do i really need you? do i?

you guys, idk what to say, no matter what i say, what i do, it wont change, this feeling, and i guess its always been like that, it sucks i had to realize it now, idk... i cant believe you guys would do that to me, and act like nothings wrong. nothing. doesnt make sense. at all.. no matter how hard i try, i dont even know if itll ever just go back to the way it was. cause no matter how much you say i changed, look in the mirror, who changed more? honestly. tell me that.

ughhh , idkk i get SOO stressed, and then i get happy and then sad and then mad and then BLAHH.


OH AND YOUU TWOO. YOU SKANK ASS BITCHES.

you: you used me to get at people, and find the answers when you didnt know them, when you were stuck and lost i pulled you out, but then when i needed you the most, you were just so blind, and i tell you that shit, and you just break it. it kills me to see you willing to lose everything over something like that. but hey, if you want that piece of shit, i wont stop you. cuhs thats your loss, not mine. you cant have the cake and eat it, cuhs when you do, youll jus gain 20 pounds, and how will you lose it? only i get that. lol fail.

YOU, UGH YOU YOURE SUCH ASLUT AND A PARTY ANIMAL. NO ONE FUCKEN LIEKES YOU SO WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FRONT AND ACT LIEK EVERYONE DOES.. dont you fucken see this shits an act? you hurt me and you cant even see it, so stop fucken doing this to me, just leave me the FUCk alone, dont gloat or shit liek that, i made it so clear to you, and you still do this to me, and then i find out you do shit? ugh. fuck you.


it feels good to get this shit out!

blah.

everything& everyones so blah. i thought 2010 was gonna get better, but i just dont see it!

mmm, reminiscing on the past, i wish i could take back things i said and did, re-make friends, and un-do lost friendships, and at the same time, take back new friendships, yeah,bad i know but some things, i just think are better left unsaid. :/

idk who to even trust anymore, feels like everyone is gonna break my heart, if i give it to them. id rather just be this person who keeps everything inside, but i know thats not whats good.

im gonna try to fix everything, mend up the broken hearts, put back the broken pieces together, and just re-live all this pain, cuhs in the end , i know , maybe , just maybe, itll get better.

idk why i feel so depressed lately, i feel like sometimes i just wanna go in a hole and stay there forever. idk , i wish i could go somewhere far far away from all this.


Psamls 62;

speechless

I'm so stressed lately. honestly, if i didnt have you guys, and you guys know who are in my life, id probably fucken just go die. -_- no joke. i wish i had a psychologist or therapist. if only money wasnt the issue.

im sorry to teh people who ive been taking all my bullshit on, but just please try to understand.

YOU. i know you dont read my blogs,cuhs you dont have one but i CANNOT believe you could fucking betray me like that, turn your back on me and just ugh, after i poured my heart out to you.

youre a slut. thats all i can say.

i give up on you. no joke. were done. through. no more.

ehh as for you guys, its whatevers. i have other people if you guys dont like me anymore, since when did you guys care? if you wanna leave me and hate on me and just turn your back, hey, go ahead! i tried my best. and atleast i know that.

theres so much m,ore, but imma leave it at this, cuhs im too tired of thinking of all thiss.

DRAMAAA, 2010, is not good -_-x but like kay & breanna said, God has a different path for me, and hes gonna make it all better, and that this is just a test, i love you two bestiesss <3333(; if i didnt have you two through all this, who would i vent to and cuss at?! :P

You.

were never really my friend huh? lately, i starting thinking& i realized maybe you were always like this and it never hit me cuhs i just wanted to think everything was okay. you never understood how i felt, never took into consideration what kind of pain i was in, and i always did. i did everything and anything for you. and i see that now, it took so long to realize, but i finaly see it, and i wont let you step on me anymore, not just you. and

as for you: out of all of the people who judged me, i thought youd always stand by my side, becuase i told you everything and how i felt , i cried in front of you, and i felt safe with you, but now its like i dont even know who you are.

you: well youve always been like this, and its no surprise. two faced bitches, will always be two faced bitches.

you: i give up, i really do. maybe friends is the only thing that can keep us sane with each other. even if thats waht neither of us want.

you guys will never change, well you have, but for the worse, you say to my face that i became the bitch? the attention whore? reality check, ive ALWAYS been like this, friends should be okay with whoever i am. you guys never ever took into consideration how i felt you guys only looked at your p.o.v and you stepped all over me, well news flash bitches, the only fucking reason i act the way i do, is because my personality, who iam, is the only thing no one can ever take away from me, and no one can call it their own, becuase its my own, its the only thing that will stay with me forever, unlike everything else in life, so yeah i am sorry if ive fucking changed, but dont even try to act like you guys havent either. cuhs atleast i fuckign admit it.